Regaining my self belief | Vanessa’s story
When something so small can help you regain your inner strength
Find out how hand cream turned Vanessa’s life around.
“Having watched my Mum exist through a Tusnami of heat for around 7 years it was with trepidation that I waited for it to arrive – there is an all too familiar tradition of whatever ailment Mum had, she gifted to me.
It never happened and I cannot be more grateful that the signature menopause symptom slid right past me.
My husband is probably in agreement as he didn’t have to endure the side effects either. In broad terms my menopause / midlife journey has been more mental than overtly physical
Not to be a burden to others
In my professional life, I worked as a career coach specialising in performance and wellbeing. As part of that role, I attended regular supervision to reflect on and understand my own challenges, ensuring they didn’t transfer onto those I supported – (they’d have enough on their own plates without absorbing my issues!)
Supervision gives you a non judgemental space to work though all sorts of issues in safety. It doesn’t give you solutions, it works from the understanding that you know what you need to do you just need to be prompted to allow yourself to explore it.
I found that sometimes the people who love us are not always the best people to talk to.
Questioning myself
I wanted some nice hand cream. I had been walking past it for months, even tried a sample or two. It wasn’t stupid money, may be £20. I had a well paid job, no children and really, plenty of disposable cash but I didn’t buy it. And then I got irritated with myself that I still wouldn’t get it, even though logic told me I could.
For some reason this came up in supervision and all she asked was “What is stopping you?” she kept asking me this question until I had run out of the I cannot afford it excuses.
So what was stopping me?
We are all in the same boat
I didn’t believe that I was worth it:
that spending something on me was a waste because I didn’t believe that investment in me made sense.
I had completely lost my belief in my own self-worth, having something lovely was ridiculous and there was some strange sense of gratification in denying myself that.
My confidence was low, I viewed myself as really nothing, so any form of reward was stupid. I didn’t like myself and I felt like I didn’t fit. So I started crying…..because this wasn’t who I was and who I had been.
I have never been physically attractive but I am bright, funny, good at my job and a loyal and loving wife and friend.
And then I started laughing… as I replayed conversations I had with my coach and myself as I worked through some of my issues.
it turns out I was not alone in feeling like this, and that the boat I was in wasn’t empty – it was full of wonderful women who felt the same and it was okay.
I no longer mourn who I was.
Now I try and celebrate who I am now and where I am going. I totally refuse to grow up!
At that point I started changing…. I observed what triggered me, what conversations did I need to have with myself and others to help me?
None of us are the full package. In no way am I perfect but that’s okay.
I no longer mourn who I was but try to celebrate who I am now, where I am going and refuse to totally grow up
I bought the hand cream and it was, in itself, fine. It sat on my desk for a number of years largely unused as a reminder that it’s really ok to invest in yourself and exercise some self love.”
Vanessa, Isle of Skye – Age 62
