A very honest rant from a very frustrated Aphrodite to her partner
I am patient, kind and empathetic. I am. I really am.
But there are a few things my partner—and perhaps quite a few other partners—need to know about menopause.
First, please understand this:
- Menopause is real
So please don’t raise your eyebrows, tut or behave as though I am being dramatic. - My internal thermostat has completely lost the plot
Yes, I get hot. Very hot. That is why I may need to open the bedroom window at 2.00am when it is four degrees outside. If you are cold, put a jumper on. - Please don’t wait to be asked to help around the house
Do the washing-up. Hoover the lounge. Cook dinner. Make me a cup of tea. And please don’t announce it as though you have just completed an expedition to Everest. It is your home and your mess too. - I don’t want sex at the moment. There, I’ve said it.
What I do want is to be able to cuddle you without you assuming it must lead to something else.
Please be patient with me. My oestrogen levels have dropped, my vagina feels dry and uncomfortable, I have gained a few pounds and I don’t feel particularly good about myself.
I may not feel sexy, but that does not mean I no longer love you or want affection. It certainly does not give you an excuse to have an affair because supporting me feels difficult. - And then there is your snoring
My tolerance for noise has vanished.
Everyday sounds can suddenly seem painfully loud, sharp or irritating—something sometimes described as sound sensitivity or hyperacusis. Your snoring, which was never exactly a lullaby, now sounds like heavy machinery operating beside my head.
So, what am I actually asking for?
I am asking you to be a little more understanding:
- When I am hot, don’t argue about the window. Find a jumper.
- When the washing-up needs doing, just do it.
- Cook dinner occasionally. Make me a cup of tea without waiting to be asked.
- Give me a cuddle and a kiss without automatically expecting sex in return. Sometimes affection needs to be simply affection.
- And when I leave the bed and go to the sofa because I am roasting, uncomfortable and being kept awake by your snoring, please understand that I am not rejecting you.
- In fact, perhaps you could offer to take the sofa occasionally. That small act of kindness would mean more than you might realise.
Because beneath the hot flushes, exhaustion, frustration and disappearing libido, I am still the patient, kind and empathetic person you fell in love with.
I just need a little patience, kindness and empathy in return.
Does this resonate with you?
Tell us what you would add—and make sure your partner reads it: It might just produce that long-awaited moment of enlightenment:
“Ahhh. I get it now.”
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aphrodite@aphroditereimagined.com.
