The best sex of my life happened at 62
You’ll need a large double vodka or gin or a verty stiff drink for this episode… ???
Previously in Helene’s Story…
After walking away from a job that had slowly chipped away at her confidence, Helene found herself juggling menopause, jury service and a series of life events that seemed determined to test her resilience.
Old friendships were rekindled through a succession of funerals, including one memorable occasion that resulted in her buying a Harley Davidson at a motorcycle dealership before heading off to the crematorium.
When her friend Medea lost her battle with cancer, Helene travelled 350 miles across the country to support Medea’s partner, Ares, a friend she hadn’t properly seen in more than twenty years. What began as an act of loyalty quickly reminded them both that some friendships never really disappear, no matter how much time has passed.
Through grief, laughter, wine, motorbikes and shared memories, Helene discovered that friendship can survive decades apart, and that sometimes the people who reappear in our lives arrive precisely when we need them most.
What happened next, however, was something neither of them could have predicted…
Read on for Part 3.
The following morning, because of the trains, Norfolk and London and Saturday services and weekend services and stuff, I had to catch the train at noon. I’d booked the taxi driver that had taken me from Great Yarmouth Station to the Premier Inn to pick me up at 11.30 at Premier Inn again – I kept his number but of course, I hadn’t stayed at the Premier Inn on the Friday night…
I had to do the walk of shame, so I just shuffle out and get to this taxi at 10 o’clock on a Saturday morning.
So, in my shame on Saturday morning, I had to ring him up and say, can you pick me up from a different address? And could he do it earlier? Because all my stuff is at the Premier Inn. And you know me, I don’t travel light.
You know me, I don’t travel light.
He said it was fine but I had to do the walk of shame and so I just like shuffle out and get to this taxi at 10 o’clock on a Saturday morning, get to the Premier Inn, dash up to the room, pack everything, have a bath, of course, and then get to the station on time, which we did.
Now, this is a little aside and not kind of relevant.
It’s kind of sweet and it’s kind of personal. I think that you’ll like it.
I can just loop back a little bit.
When I got to the Premier Inn in Great Yarmouth on the Thursday, too soon to check in, I left my luggage there. I walked straight out to the beach and walked along the coast up towards Great Yarmouth.
And I kept getting this sort of ear worm in my ear of a song.
And I thought the lyrics were, ‘seems like I’m living in a seaside town in winter‘ because that’s where I was and that’s what I was doing.
But it started really bugging me. And that night at the dinner altogether, I asked if anybody could tell me what these lyrics are, what this song is?
And people went, no, I kind of recognise it, but I don’t know what it is.
Next day at the wake, nobody else could get it either, even though one of the guys is a DJ. And one of my friends, that is, he wasn’t DJ-ing then. I even texted my brother, who’s quite good at that kind of thing. And I went, can you, can you help me with this? And he said no, he couldn’t.
And it just kept bugging me, and bugging me.
It’s like, ‘I’m in a seaside town in winter. In a town, yeah, in a seaside town in winter’. That was on my mind. Anyway, Saturday morning, scrambled. Got out, put my boots back on because I had taken my boots off to go to bed, obviously. And got in the taxi, went to the hotel, got on the train, blah, blah.
I nearly fell under the train at Paddington.
And there was a rail replacement journey.
The journey back from Great Yarmouth to Devon lasted from noon until half past nine at night, a total nightmare.
There were all sorts of people on the train, breathing.
I got to London. I got on the tube going in the wrong direction. I had to go all the way around the Circle line until I got back to St. Pancras again. I nearly fell under the train at Paddington, I was carrying luggage. And then there were all sorts of people on the train, breathing.
It was the journey from hell.
Got to Devon. Got in my car. Hadn’t been able to get a parking ticket because the internet wasn’t working. – I didn’t know at that point whether I would get charged for loads of parking. And I got back to Devon about half past nine. Desperate for a wee. Went to Morrison’s to go to the loo & get a bottle of wine. Got a kebab.
It was the journey from hell.
Ended up having a slight run-in with the taxi driver outside the kebab shop. Because I clipped his car slightly in front of witnesses. – I had to stop and hold my hands up and go, yeah, I’m sorry.
Eventually I got home about ten o’clock. And I’m just like, knackered.
And then I was kind of, ‘What did you just do with one of your oldest mates at a funeral?’ Anyway, oops. I was too tired. It was fine.
However. Going back to the song…. On the bus, between Norfolk. In Norwich or wherever I was, it came to me what the song was. And it was The Lightning Seeds. And it was called Sense. And I will tell you about the lyrics in a little while. It made me smile when I realised what the song was. Because it hadn’t really made any sense on the Thursday. And it wouldn’t have made any sense except for what happened on the Friday. But it seemed to make sense on the Saturday.
Next day at some point in the afternoon. & I’m just like smiling. Because It all did seem to make sense. And it was all kind of pleasant. It was all very pleasant in fact. And. I was glad that I’d stayed, really glad that I’d stayed.
There was quite a lot of mickey-taking about the fact that I’d bought a Harley Davidson at a funeral.
Sunday evening Ares texted and asked “How are you? How was your journey?”
And I went ‘Yeah. I was fine. But you know. This happened. That happened. That happened.’ I’d laugh about it. And then we started texting. Pretty much every day. And, obviously, I know this is a good guy. He’s not that isolated. He’s got neighbours there, but no close friends.
I knew that his brother wasn’t around because he was on a long, planned holiday in Australia.
We just fell into our old friendship again. That was at the end of November.
At some point. Two things happened. And I’m not quite sure. What order they happened in.
But at the same time, I was helping to look after a neighbour who was becoming increasingly manic, mad, demanding, difficult and crazy – from dementia.
And if Ares called or texted that night, I’d just offload to him and he was very good at listening and responding, and sympathising.
Well, at some point I realised that I was falling for him.
And also at some point I kind of said that we’ve got to stop doing this because I’ve started to have feelings for you.
And that was brave because I never had said this before.
I said ‘Look. You have to stop doing this because, you need to get on with your life. And I’ve realised that I’ve got feelings for you that I really shouldn’t have. It’s probably best if we stop doing this quite so regularly, as in chatting to one another on text, or whatever.’
And he came back with “Well, actually I’ve got feelings for you too.”
I’m like, ‘You can’t really have.’ And he said, “No, well. I didn’t think I should either.” And turns out he had questioned himself. And questioned himself more. And said what he thought, which was he did have feelings.
I saw a big, tall, sad, solid, broad, attractive guy. Not handsome. Not handsome at all. But not a skinny little ginger runt anymore.
At some point during this time, we’d talked about Christmas. Because I knew that Christmas was going to be difficult for him. I asked if he was going to be okay and he replied “Well. Yeah…”
When I asked, ‘What are you doing?’ he said “Well, nothing really”
I said, ‘You know, It’s hard, at Christmas.’ And he went, “Yeah. I’ll be all right, you know.” And I asked ‘Well. Would you want some company?’ And he just kind of jumped on it and said “Well. Would you?” And I said I would if he wanted me to. But only if he really wanted me to. And he just kind of fell on that.
Obviously, I realised he was desperate. He didn’t want to be on his own at Christmas. Of course not. Also his brother wasn’t around – he was on a really long extended three-month trip. So, we made plans.
Christmas is coming along. I was due to be spending it with my brother. & sister-in-law. So, I said to them shortly before that I ought to go to Norfolk and see Ares because he’s on his own. Blah blah. I told the truth. And explained that I wished that I’d made more of an effort to see our friend Don when he’d moved to Lincolnshire. And I know that if I had made more of an effort to see Don it wouldn’t have made his outcome any different. But he would have loved the fact that I’d made the effort to go and see him. That was something that had been on my mind for a long time.
They took that at face value. And said of course I should go.
Christmas came and I started my journey with my brother and his wife. I went by car (I don’t travel light, remember). And then I drove to Norfolk. It was a horrible journey. I got there really much later than I’d planned as I was late up after drinking with my sister-in-law the night before, and then the long drive up.
Over Christmas we talked a lot.
Things developed. Dot, dot, dot…
He said he was really glad I was there. I could tell he was really. He was really grateful. And it was sad to see. But we’d developed a relationship of a sort that was different to the relationship we were having in the past, over the phone.
That first night. He slept in the spare room. I slept in the main bedroom.
I was there for about five days. I think. We just talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. And talked. And talked.
At some point on Christmas day, I opened my friend Venus’s present.And I opened my brother’s present. Which is a lightweight pink and green dressing gown with tigers, (WTF?) which I’ve now re-gifted to somebody.
The conversation was light. We kept it light. We talked about everything. Families and a lot about Medea. He had this really great picture of her – it wasn’t In a prominent place. And I just moved it to a prominent place. I didn’t want Medea to not be there. And It’s a really beautiful picture.
Then it was time to go. It was really hard. But, I had to come back to my life.
That was where I left it.
When I got back. We talked some more on the phone. And things were said and. we decided to try and spend more time together If possible. Which is not that easy When you’re over 300 miles away from each other. 350 miles even.
Down to the sex part.
Mostly at Christmas it was more about comfort. And cuddling.
He wasn’t sleeping. He’s been through so much shit. He was sleep deprived.
He’s been through so much crap. Not just with Medea’s death. But the previous deaths that had happened. Looking after his mum with Alzheimer’s until she died. From everything he said, that was not easy. So of course he’’s messed up. I know how I feel about him. I know what he says he feels about me. But equally he’s coming out from not one but three bereavements. But what I do know is he’s my mate. And has been for a long time. And that’s not going to change. Yes, I might get hurt. But there you go.
I’ll get to the naughty bit In a minute.
I didn’t think there was anybody out there for me.
He told me was that he had a massive crush on me when he was 17. And I was 19.
I’m glad that this has been like it has for the last few months. Even though with someone who is very damaged. And has got every right to change their mind – I also know that.
Now, what he told me was that he had a massive crush on me when he was 17. And I was 19. And we talked about times that we both remember – Parties we went to. Gigs we went to. And things like bike shows and stuff we went to. Events we went to that we both remember with the same sort of clarity.
But he says he remembers Is that he really fancied me. And I never knew he existed! At that particular time, I had been going out with somebody else. And had been for a long time. And wasn’t looking for anybody else.
By the time I was single again he was with Medea. And they were a very solid couple. I’d never looked at him in that sort of way until the lift door opened at the Premier Inn in Great Yarmouth: I saw a big, tall, sad, solid, broad, attractive guy. Not handsome. Not handsome at all. But not a skinny-little-ginger-runt anymore. And then the piss-taking. That happened when we went from the Premier Inn to his place before the meal, the night before the funeral.
We were just slotting straight back into – I’m guessing – 40 years ago. There was quite a lot of mickey-taking about the fact that I’d bought a Harley Davidson at a funeral. Ares thought that was so cool. And I was just like, ‘Oh please, really’.
Like you do when you’re a teenager. Except I’m now 62 and he’s about to turn 60.
The song, if you’re thinking of looking up is Sense by The Lightning Seeds. And so I said to him, ‘Oh, by the way. Remember what that song was I was trying to remember the lyrics to?’ And he asked what it was.
Basically the chorus of the song is, When you’re near, it all makes sense. And, the lyric that I was trying to get to was. ‘Feels like I’m living in a town closed down for winter.’
And another verse is, ‘Oh God. It comes and goes and leads me on.
Oh. It comes and goes and leaves me on a bed of splinters. Feels like I’m living in a town closed down for winter.’ But it just seemed so apt at the time…
I’m tired of – Sitting on the fences. Just waiting for somebody like you to come along. Gives me senseless. And it all seemed very romantic. And we were sending each other lyrics and stuff like that – Like you do when you’re a teenager. Except. I’m now 62. He’s about to turn 60.
Anyway, the sex part. I’ll get to that. I promise.
Obviously, this is extremely personal but reading some of the comments that I have read on your site, are quite funny.
We try and meet up about once a month. We tried to meet up for Burn’s night. at the Conq [The Conquering Hero Pub in Beulah Hill]. But he couldn’t get the dog sitter, and it just wasn’t going to happen. We ended up having to meet at a hotel halfway, which is Bagshot in Surrey. It was just very sweet, very cuddly and very lovely. And then he mentioned he’d had some problems…
He’s got a heart problem. Obviously, he’s had an awful lot of other problems as well. And he said he’d seen his doctor about the heart issue. Which got worse, after Medea died. And around the time one of the things he mentioned to his doctor was erectile dysfunction. Blah
Obviously. I’m more interested in just warmth and closeness and stuff. And I was just delighted to have somebody who actually cared about me. And who ‘got’ me.
So, Bagshot was kind of fun. And we did other stuff. We did a lot of kissing and stuff. It was pleasant. It was very pleasant. But it wasn’t, well, ‘sex.’ But that was kind of fine. He said he was going to see his doctor again. To see what he can do. And I went. ‘Yeah. Don’t worry about it’. He explained that it was the fact it’s just going to be embarrassing – because the last time he’d seen his doctor (like two months before) it was because he was in mourning for his long-term girlfriend. And now he’s going to have to ask his doctor for something else. And that’s going to be quite embarrassing!
Anyway. Right there. His problem. And I can’t remember when it happened, we finally got around to having full intercourse. At which point, he went “This might be a bit of a problem”. And I went. ‘Why?’ And he went. “Uhhh….”
Turns out, He’s got a massive cock.
I’ve actually seen horses with smaller willies than his.
And It was a shock – and I couldn’t accommodate him. We did our best but he’s obviously encountered that problem before!
And he said, “It’s not ‘insurmountable’!”
But I wanted to try. And when it finally happened, it was fucking amazing.!
It’s the best sex I’ve ever had.
It’s also the most painful.
Turns out, He’s got a massive cock.
I’ve actually seen horses with smaller willies than his.
The first time, it’s amazing. Just nothing like it. I don’t think. I’ve ever been out with someone who was so well endowed. But this is beyond that, something else.
Then I realised I needed to go to my GP, the one I used to see about some other stuff. Oh, just the usual. But when I explained this particular problem she actually had quite a smirk on her face.
The problem isn’t so much lubrication. It’s girth.
Literally getting a very big, fat, square peg into a very small, round hole.
Anyway, here we go. Here’s the medical part.
What she prescribed was a lubricant. Which the name is marketed under is called. ‘Yes’. And it’s lubricant. Also, (and this is the most revolting thing for me) she prescribed an oestrogen pessary that I have to insert twice a week to help with lubrication.
The fact is, the problem isn’t so much lubrication. It’s girth. It’s Physical.
Literally getting a very big, fat, square peg into a very small, round hole.
Anyway. We’ve persevered.
If we get it right first time, It’s fucking amazing. If we don’t, then there’s no point in trying again until the next time, really. But I think we’ve both got a sense of humour about it. And that’s good. It’s worth all the other times when it’s time to give up and just have a cuddle.
If we get it right first time, It’s fucking amazing.
So, yeah, that’s where we are at the minute.
Ares is due this weekend.
In the meantime. He’s had another suicide in Medea’s family.
He’s also dealing with a couple of neighbours who are going through tricky things. And these are the neighbours who supported him through Medea’s madness. And suicide attempt. And illness. He’s got to do that.
We do communicate every day. He remains quite supportive – very supportive – of me, trying to get this new business off the ground plus this new job I’ve started.
But I do worry.
I worry all the time that It’s a big distance. But what can I do, apart from stay true to my feelings? And hold on to the fact that we’ve been mates for a really long time. And that he’s a very genuine guy.
There may come a time when he’s getting beyond grief & might meet somebody else. And possibly will, & all that stuff.
So this may just be a little post-menopausal interlude for me, but
1) one I wasn’t looking for. And
2) I never expected it.
3) It happened in such a nice way. Particularly since Medea said what she said. And
4) we’ve got a lot in common.
What I’m trying to do Is just stay steady, and there for him.
I now know a bit more about lubricants (which I never knew about) and pessaries, which I also never knew about (and don’t really want to know about).
And if it comes to nothing, I’m still really glad it’s happened.
I now know a bit more about lubricants (which I never knew about) and pessaries, which I also never knew about (and don’t really want to know about).
Our mutual friends still don’t know about us. We’ve discussed about telling them. He said he didn’t mind. And I just said that the timing’s just bad. And maybe it’ll fizzle out before It’s time to tell friends or not.
But obviously, what will be will be.
I remember you saying, Venus, that a friend once said to you that when you’ve not had that intimacy for a while “It’s just nice to feel that flesh on flesh.”
And for me, it’s especially nice to have a man. As opposed to a boy.
Who is tall, and strong, and solid. and muscular.
He’s not Adonis or anything. He’s just A big solid bloke. Who will hold me. And that’s nice.
Helene
A huge thank you to Helene for sharing her story with such honesty, humour and courage.
It’s not easy to talk openly about grief, friendship, love, menopause, relationships, intimacy, vulnerability, or the unexpected twists life throws at us. Yet Helene has done all of that with remarkable warmth, wit and generosity.
What makes her story so special is that it isn’t polished, perfect or wrapped up in a neat bow. It’s real. It’s messy. It’s funny. It’s heartbreaking in places. And above all, it’s human.
Many women will recognise parts of themselves in Helene’s journey – whether that’s navigating menopause, rebuilding confidence, coping with loss, discovering new love when they least expect it, or simply finding the courage to keep saying “yes” to life.
Thank you, Helene, for trusting Aphrodite Reimagined with your story. We have laughed, cried, winced, cheered and occasionally reached for the lubricant aisle alongside you.
Most of all, thank you for reminding us that life doesn’t stop at 50, 60 or beyond. Sometimes the most unexpected chapters turn out to be the most extraordinary.
With love and gratitude,
The Aphrodite Reimagined Community ??
Part 1: Big girl pants, cinemas, ice creams and hot flushes
Part 2: Menopause, funerals and some very questionable decisions
LYRICS Courtesy of DORK
THE LIGHTNING SEEDS
SENSE
1992
I’m flying high on something beautiful and aimless
It’s got a name but I prefer to call it nameless
It comes and goes and leaves me on a bed of splinters
Feels like I’m living in a town closed down for winter
The taste of love
The more you get
The more you want
And all because
The only reason is just because
It all makes sense
When you’re near
It all makes sense
I’m standing high on tiptoes looking over fences
Waiting for somebody like you to kiss me senseless
I’ve had a bellyfull of faces drawn in sadness
I want to jump deep into tides of loving madness
The taste of love
The more you get
The more you want
And all because
The only reason is just because
It all makes sense
When you’re near
It all makes sense
[Repeat]
